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10 Ways to Be Awkward at a Writer’s Conference

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by Mary DeMuth

My young adult kids overuse the word awkward. As in … they say it a lot. Everything’s awkward, apparently. As a writing conference attendee, and now as faculty, I have learned the true meaning of the word. While the vast majority of folks who attend writing conferences try not to be awkward, in case you choose to embody it, let me offer you 10 ways to be awkward at a writing conference.

  1. Stalk. Follow editors and agents around–even into the bathroom. Find out personal information about them and mention it often. As my kids say, “creep on them.”
  2. Hog appointments. Take all the slots for one-on-one meetings with industry professionals. Meet with children’s editors even though you write prairie romances. Monopolize the conversation at meals with in-depth pitches of your project. Barge in on others’ conversations in the hallway.
  3. Be a wallflower. If hogging appointments isn’t your style, stay in the background. When casual moments naturally lend themselves to discussion of your project, keep quiet. After all, editors and agents aren’t the kind of people who enjoy relationships.
  4. Play the God card. Tell an editor, “God gave me these words; therefore, they are not to be changed. Ever.” Or better yet, “God told me two things: write this book, and when it’s written, it will be a New York Times best seller.” Or really go for broke with “God told me you are going to publish this book.”
  5. Choose not to learn the industry. Have no business cards (except maybe some index cards with your name scrawled across them). Ask what a proposal is. Spend your time doing anything except going to workshops.
  6. Aggrandize yourself. Tell everyone you’re the next Stephen King or J. K. Rowling, and mean it. Bring an entourage to assure others of your importance.
  7. Get noticeably angry when you experience rejection. Throw your pen. Call the agent a name. Huff and puff. And decide before you leave the conference that this one rejection means you should quit writing altogether.
  8. Avoid other writers. After all, they’re your competition. Stay aloof and unapproachable, even if they act like they’re your allies in the journey.
  9. Leave the conference with no strategy. Once it’s over, forget everything and put the experience behind you.
  10. Don’t follow up. If an editor or agent expresses an interest in your project, don’t send it in. Surely they didn’t really mean they wanted to look at it, right?

Seriously, I hope you will avoid these things. And don’t be awkward at the conference!

Have you ever been awkward at a conference? What did you learn from the experience? What is the most awkward thing you’ve seen at a conference?

Originally published at Book Launch Mentor, September 1, 2016, http://www.booklaunchmentor.com/awkward-conference/

photo of Mary DeMuthMary DeMuth is the author of thirty-one books, including her latest: Worth Living: How God’s Wild Love Makes You Worthy. She has spoken around the world about God’s ability to re-story a life. She’s been on the 700 Club, spoken in Munich, Cape Town, and Monte Carlo, and planted a church with her family in southern France. Her best work? Being a mom to three amazing young adults and the wife of nearly 25 years to Patrick. She makes her home in Dallas alongside her husband and two dueling cats.

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